How do you handle disagreements with your manager or someone in a higher position? Do you express your opinion, or do you opt for silence? Having the courage and confidence to speak truth to power is a rare skill. Expressing to someone in a higher position that they might be wrong is not always easy.
Choosing to stay silent, withhold your opinions, or nod in agreement when you actually disagree might feel secure. It doesn’t demand confronting your fears or going against your instincts. Opting for silence becomes the easiest choice when challenging your superior seems daunting.
However, refraining from expressing your thoughts solely because it’s uncomfortable can be a costly mistake. Consider the scenario where your manager commits to unrealistic timelines due to a lack of awareness about the complexity involved because you chose to remain silent. Or imagine a senior team member deciding to migrate to a new tech stack that could lead to a maintenance nightmare, all because you didn’t communicate the potential issues with their decision.
Expressing your disagreement in these situations is not only crucial but also indicative of a healthy work culture. It showcases your capacity to think clearly, navigate complexity, and solve problems. Disagreements play a vital role in saving time and energy by averting critical mistakes and allowing for course correction before it’s too late.
Here are eight practices to effectively express disagreement with individuals in positions of higher authority:
Seek Permission to Express Your Viewpoint
While your intentions may be genuine when sharing your disagreement, they alone are not sufficient. The person you disagree with must be open to hearing different opinions. Expressing dissent to someone unwilling to listen can be frustrating and demotivating, leaving you feeling insignificant and reluctant to speak up again.
To assess how the other person might respond to your feedback, seek their permission. This approach not only helps you avoid being intrusive but also increases the likelihood that they will pay attention to your perspective when they commit to listening.
Start by asking:
• “I have a different point of view. Would you be willing to hear it?”
• “I’d like to add something to this discussion. Is it fine if I share it with you?”
• “I want to run my thoughts through you. Can I seek your expertise on what you think about them?”
By seeking permission first, you capture their attention and set a positive tone for the conversation.
Seek Permission to Express Your Viewpoint
When you voice your ideas or opinions that contradict others’ viewpoints, their confirmation bias may come into play. Confirmation bias is a natural inclination to favor evidence that confirms existing beliefs and reject anything that challenges them. This unconscious thinking pattern often leads the brain to assume that the person expressing disagreement simply doesn’t comprehend the goal.
To counter the impact of this bias, reinforce the shared goal. Affirm that you fully grasp their desired outcome. This approach not only helps in reminding them of the expected results but also serves as a gentle nudge when it appears they might be deviating from it.
Reinforce the shared goal by expressing:
• “I understand that our common objective is to achieve [xyz].”
• “The ultimate outcome we all desire is [xyz].”
By setting expectations upfront and affirming your understanding of their desired results, you not only decrease the likelihood of being overlooked but also enhance the chances of being genuinely heard.
Choose Gradual Progress Over a Big Leap
There’s a certain thrill in proving others wrong, prompting a quick dive into why you believe something won’t work or why it should be done differently. However, others may not share your enthusiasm, especially when you’re in disagreement. This becomes even more critical when differing with leaders or senior figures in your organization.
Initiating with a radical shift in idea or expressing an opinion significantly different from their current thought process can lead to substantial resistance. Their pushback is justified- you haven’t highlighted flaws in their thinking but want them to pivot to an entirely new solution.
Rather than proposing a completely new solution, begin with their idea—explain your understanding, identify gaps, pose questions, seek clarity, and gradually guide them toward your proposed solution.
Take small steps by stating:
• “What you’ve proposed here is [this].”
• “How do you think it addresses [xyz]?”
• “How will this solve [abc]?”
• “What assumptions have been made?”
• “What if this assumption does not hold true?”
• “What other alternative solutions have we considered?”
Begin with their solution, gradually guiding them to understand its potential limitations. Then, suggest an alternative approach.
Stay Calm and Composed
Reflect calmness in both your voice and body language. When you’re excited or nervous, your internal feelings often manifest in your body language. Expressing disagreement with someone more powerful can be uncomfortable, triggering physical sensations like a faster heartbeat or a sick feeling in your stomach. These bodily responses can lead to stress and anxiety.
Failing to manage these intense emotions makes effective communication challenging—you might start speaking rapidly or struggle to articulate your thoughts clearly. When your voice and body language lack calmness, it becomes exceedingly difficult for the person you’re disagreeing with to trust your judgment.
Prior to expressing your opinion, convey a sense of calm and composure in your mind and body. Remind yourself to speak slowly. Mentally rehearse what you want to convey, repeating those words internally before articulating them aloud.
Support Your Disagreement with Logical Reasoning
When expressing disagreement, there’s always an underlying reason:
• Their solution may have gaps.
• Their assumptions might be invalid.
• They could be overlooking a critical edge case.
• They may be oversimplifying something.
The illusion of transparency, a fallacy causing an overestimation of how effectively one communicates thoughts and emotions, can lead to assumptions that others can read your mind. It might make you express disagreement non-verbally without explicitly stating the reason.
Regardless of the reason, you can’t merely say, “It won’t work,” and expect others to assume you’re right. To establish the credibility of your judgment, you must articulate the rationale behind it.
You can say these:
• “I believe we may be overlooking this particular scenario. What will happen if [xyz]?”
• “I’m skeptical about this assumption holding up because [abc].”
• “The situation is more complex than [abc] suggests, primarily due to [xyz].”
Explicitly state your perspective and ensure others understand it as you do. Use questions to validate your understanding.
Choose Words with a Neutral Tone
The most significant risk when disagreeing with higher-ups is the potential to offend them. This occurs when personal remarks are made or an attempt is made to prove them wrong. Expressions like “This is never going to work,” “You’re being short-sighted,” or “This is a foolish mistake” are likely to put them off and turn them against you instantly.
When disagreeing with someone senior, utmost care must be taken in choosing words. You can’t say something and then claim, “I didn’t mean it that way.” Avoid judgmental language or words that may be misinterpreted. Refrain from sounding too assertive. Address the problem without making it personal, expressing concerns in a non-judgmental and neutral tone.
Demonstrate Flexibility by Being Open to Changing Your Perspective, Leaving Space for Constructive Dialogue
While expressing disagreement, becoming overly attached to your perspective can hinder your ability to consider others’ ideas and opinions. There’s a risk of rejecting critique, presenting your viewpoint as a fact when it’s an opinion, and impeding clear thinking.
When addressing concerns with higher-ups, it’s crucial to involve them in the dialogue. At every stage, convey that they are part of the problem-solving process, and their suggestions are highly valued. Demonstrate flexibility by asking:
• “What do you think of it?”
• “In which ways can I be wrong?”
• “It’s my opinion. What would you suggest?”
Develop flexibility in your conversation and remain open to changing your viewpoint when necessary. Prioritize the goal of finding the right answers over trying to be right.
Rather Than Settling for Agreeing to Disagree, Opt for the Approach of Disagreeing and Committing
Ultimately, decision-making rests with the person above you. Your role is to express your honest opinion and leave the decision to them.
If the decision doesn’t align with your expectations, opt for “disagree and commit” instead of “agree to disagree.” Agreeing to disagree often leads to a negative mindset, hindering progress. Strongly holding onto your opinion may lead to rumination, overthinking, and self-justification. Disagreeing and committing allow for forward movement.
Opting for “agree to disagree” can encourage dismissive behavior, perpetuating a mindset of right vs. wrong or you vs. them. This approach may lead to ignoring the decision, causing non-committal attitudes and a lack of necessary support for project success. There’s even a risk of secretly hoping for project failure to say, “I told you so.”
Differing opinions serve to gather diverse viewpoints, evaluate solutions, and make unbiased decisions. However, adopting the “agree to disagree” mindset undermines the purpose of a group coming together to challenge each other while remaining committed.
On the other hand, “disagree and commit” emphasizes the importance of commitment despite differences. It promotes unity, maturity in detaching your identity from ideas, and supporting others even when viewpoints differ. This approach acknowledges disagreement but guides you to move past convictions and collaborate rather than oppose.
Disagreeing with those more powerful won’t harm your career; instead, it establishes you as a problem solver with valuable ideas, ultimately building credibility. Overcome the fear of speaking up and sharing your valuable ideas and opinions.
Conclusion
Disagreeing with higher-ups requires courage to overcome the fear of reprisal. Silence might feel safe but risks overlooking preventable mistakes. Practice confidence, seek permission to share, clarify shared goals, and begin discussions from their ideas. Maintain a calm demeanor, explain your rationale, avoid judgmental language, and show flexibility. Remember, the final decision rests with them; if it doesn’t align, disagree, and commit, fostering unity and credibility.
